


Two Marauders and One Matchmaker

by Wwalm



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anger, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas at Hogwarts, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Thoughts, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, Love, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Mistletoe, Self-Denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 18:31:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17229050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wwalm/pseuds/Wwalm
Summary: During their 6th Christmas break at Hogwarts, James hatches a plan to finally get Remus and Sirus together, who have been in denial for years.Of course Peter is dragged into it.





	Two Marauders and One Matchmaker

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this in quickly. Enjoy!

"James, you're an arsehole."

James shrugged. "It'll work. Trust me."

"You can't keep meddling with their lives! If they figure out it's you, they'll hate you forever."

James rolled his eyes. "Wormtail, have they ever hated me when I meddled before? Also they won't figure it out. And if I don't do it now, it'll never happen. I mean, Christmas break starts soon, and it's 6th year. There couldn't be a better time to do it."

Peter sighed. "Just don't blame me if you get in trouble for it."

James snorted. "Please. Like I ever get in trouble."

...

Remus Lupin was exhausted. After a whole day of shuffling first years along the corridors, studying, and attending classes, all he wanted to do was sink into his lovely four poster bed and sleep for hours.

He entered to dormitory to find Sirius Black lying on his bed. Sirius glanced over as he walked in. "Hey."

"Hi."

"Do you know where Wormtail is? Cuz I wanted him to get some sweets from the kitchen for me."

Remus shrugged. "Probably somewhere with Prongs. I haven't seen him in a while."

Sirius sighed dramatically. "Will you, my darling Moony, get some for me then? I'm starving."

Remus rolled his eyes in response. "I would, but I'd rather sleep," he said, walking over to his bed beside Sirius and collapsing on it. 

He could practically HEAR Sirius smirk. "Hey," Sirius began. "Can you come with me? To the kitchens, I mean

There was a moment of silence. And then-

"If I go, will you let me sleep?"

"With pleasure." Sirius immediately blushed after. "I mean, not WITH pleasure, per se, but I would love to see you sleep. I mean, er, I wouldn't get any pleasure of you sleeping. I, er, I mean. Yeah, I'll let you sleep." He gave an awkward chuckle.

Remus blushed.

"Er, ok," he answered awkwardly.

Together they walked downstairs and out of the common room. When the reached the kitchen door, Sirius reached up and tickled the fruit. As he did so, Remus looked down and immediately blushed. As Sirius reached up, the top of his shirt lifted, exposing his midriff for Remus to see.

God, how Remus wanted to grab that midriff and hold it tight, grinding against Sirius with all of his might so they both could feel how hard those other was...

If only Sirius liked Remus back...

Remus was sure that he didn't. He wasn't even sure if Sirius wasn't straight, let alone liked his best friend. Remus had had a crush on Sirius since hey first began school together, and it had only grown for 6 years.

If Sirius had liked Remus, he would've gone for it. The former wasn't a man to just sit around and wait to be kissed. He always went for what he wanted, no matter what it was, from getting laid by a nobody to begging Remus to go to the kitchens with him for a few treats.

Which brought him out of his thoughts and back to the present.

Sirius opened the door and held it open for Remus, bowing. Remus simply rolled his eyes and entering the kitchen, instantly pounced on by the house elves. The Gryffindors asked for a few cookies and left the area with piles and piles of sweats, enough to last a week.

When they had returned to the dormitory, Remus promptly dumped the food on Sirius's bed.

"There," he said, yawning. "Will you please let me nap before supper?"

Sirius laughed, already inhaling the treats. "Sure."

"Thanks."

Remus, slightly annoyed for a reason he couldn't identify, got under the covers of his four poster, and drifted off to sleep. However, just as he was slipping into his dreams, he heard Sirius's voice from above.

"You're welcome, Moony."

...

When Remus awoke early the next morning, he got up as usual, heading to the bathroom to shower. As the hot water streamed down his body, he couldn’t help but take advantage of the privacy. Remus slowly began to stroke himself, getting his dick to full mast. He leaned against the cool titles, closed his eyes, and let out a soft moan, imagining that it was Sirius’s lips on his cock instead of his hand. Remus’s mouth gaped open as a rush of pleasure burst through him. With his other hand, he began to finger his balls, twisting and tugging at them. He came quickly and quietly, bracing himself against the wall to keep from falling. Eventually, when he had recovered from his orgasm, the water had turned cold. Reus rolled his eyes in disgust and stepped out of the shower, taking a few deep breaths to distract himself from his fantasy.

When he was finished, he wrapped a towel around his waist, drops of water sliding down his shoulders from his wet hair. He went back to his bed and pulled on his boxers and trousers, trying to make little noise as he shuffled around.

It didn’t work.

“Moony? Why are you up so early?” Sirius asked sleepily, scratching his head as he sat up in bed.

“Shh. Go back to sleep. I just want to have an early breakfast.”

“Why? What time is it?” Sirius glanced the clock hanging above his bed. “Merlin, Moony, it’s not even seven! Why the fuck do you have to eat now, especially the first day of break?”

Remus shrugged. “I just wanted some time to myself.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Only you would go through this--” He gestured to the half naked form in front of him-- “taking a shower, and, er, getting dressed this early. I’m going back to sleep, to enjoy my time off from class.”

“Good,” Remus grumbled, again annoyed for a reason he couldn't quite figure out.

When he turned around to change, he didn’t notice Sirius staring at him through the darkness, trying to catch a glimpse of what Remus looked like naked, and how his scars shown in the early morning light as he flexed his toned muscles.

…

(A few awkward days later...)

“IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE EVERYONE! WORMTAIL! PADFOOT! MOON-- oh Moony, good, you’re already up.”

Remus removed his fingers from his ears. Peter and Sirius groaned from their beds.

“Are you done yelling, Prongs?” Remus asked.

“Almost. WORMTAIL!” Peter glanced up. “Good, you’re awake. SIRIUS!”

Sirius flipped him off. “Ok, I’m getting up. Just stop yelling.”

“Will do,” said James gleefully. “I’m just really excited for that snowball fight against the Hufflepuffs today. We’re gonna wipe the floor with them.”

Remus rolled his eyes. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. “I’m hungry,” he declared, heading downstairs. He heard a noise behind him, and turned to see Sirius on his heels. “Sorry,” Sirius began, “but I wanted to make sure you, er, knew about the thing you have stuck on your, er, back, before people started teasing you about it."

Sirius pointed, and Remus looked and noticed toilet paper that he had been trailing around. Blushing, he quickly grabbed it and muttered the vanishing spell. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

For a reason Remus was eventually grateful for and would never understand, he glanced up. Immediately, his face flushed.

“Mistletoe.”

Sirius glanced at it too, somewhat awkwardly. “What house elf would put one in the stairwell? And in the stairs to the boys dormitory? Not everyone… swings that way.”

Remus coughed. “I'm not gonna kiss you, mate.”

A look flashed across Sirius's face, but it was gone so quickly that Remus couldn't tell what it had been. “I wouldn't dream of it.”

Remus bit his lip. “Shall we have breakfast, then?”

“Yeah. Oi, Prongs! Wormtail! Breakfast!” Sirius called up. “Let's go,” he said, opening the door to the common room and crossing Remus's path.

They made it across the common room and we're about to open the portrait hole when Lily Evans walked up to them, her eyes wide. “Are you guys gonna kiss now, or what?”

“What?” Both Sirius and Remus glanced at each other uncomfortably. “What are you talking about?”

She pointed above their heads. “Mistletoe.”

The boys looked up, and sure enough, there was a mistletoe above them.

“Whatever.” Remus moved the last few steps towards the door, and Sirius followed. Then, a giggle came from behind them, and Marlene McKinnon and Mary McDonald had joined Lily. “It's following you,” Mary laughed, her hand covering her mouth.

The boys looked up for the third time. The mistletoe was above them, yet again. Remus's mouth fell open. He moved to the left, as an experiment. So did Sirius. So did the mistletoe. He took two very large steps back. So did Sirius, as did the mistletoe.

Remus rolled his eyes. “If we go to opposite sides of the room, it surely can't follow both of us.”

“Duh.”

So Remus went to one side of the room, and Sirius the other.

The mistletoe let out a scream that never stopped. Everyone in the common room immediately covered their ears. The scream was awful (later on, some compared it to a Mandrake), and Remus ran back a Ross the room to stand next to Sirius. The mistletoe stopped screaming and went back to its original state.

“So… it follows us around everywhere, and when we're not together, it screams until we are again? Alright.” Remus turned to face the commons room. The anger was clear on his face. “Who did this? You had your joke. It was funny. A big laugh. Now please say the countercurse.”

No one spoke. Remus clenched his teeth. He, of course wanted to kiss Sirius, as per mistletoe tradition, but he knew his roommate didn't like him like that. There was no chance that a guy like Sirius could ever love a werewolf. No freaking way. 

"Guys." Now it was Sirius that spoke. "for Merlin's sake, please. Just undo this curse. It's not funny anymore. In fact, it never was. So whoever did it-- we won't be mad at you-- please step forward and fix this?"

"Maybe you have to kiss to break it?" Marlene suggested.

Nods floated around the room.

"It seems very... fairytale like."

"Maybe that's the point."

"It's a good idea."

"Fuck," Sirius muttered. Remus felt himself burning red from top to bottom.

...

A scream erupted. Dumbledore and the other teachers glanced up from their meals and located a mistletoe floating through the air as a group of Gryffindors entered the Great Hall. Two boys sat on opposite sides of the table, their heads bent. The scream didn’t stop. The other students were getting annoyed, as they were trying to enjoy a peaceful Christmas Eve breakfast.

“Turn that bloody thing off!”

“Please! I’m trying to eat, thank you!”

“What’s wrong with that mistletoe?”

“Professor Dumbledore, you must do something about those Gryffindors!”

Dumbledore eventually arose from his his table with a smile on his face. A silence fell over the crowd, although the scream continued.

“This mistletoe, is indeed cursed,” Dumbledore began. “I would turn it off immediately, however this particular spell cannot be broken by just anyone. The only people who can turn it off are the individuals for whom it was intended for. This means they need to kiss before the mistletoe can be silenced and disappear as well.”

Anger erupted once again from the Great Hall.

“Who does it belong to, then?”

“Remus Lupin and Sirius Black!”

The mentioned boys shrank in their seats.

“Just kiss already and get on with it!”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything!”

The thing both Remus and Sirius were inwardly worried about was that, it would mean something to them if they were forced to kiss to shut that bloody mistletoe up. Since both thought the other didn’t like them, they were too embarrassed to just ‘do it’ and kiss. If they kissed for the sake of the scream, both would be tortured by the fact that the other didn’t love them back. Which is why Remus glanced at Sirius and raised his eyes, signaling to leave. Sirius nodded, and they left the Great Hall together. Immediately when they began to walk side by side, the scream stopped and all that followed was the dreadful stares of the students, eyeing the pair as they went up to the dormitory.

...

“We need to figure a way to stop this bullshit.”

“Agreed,” replied Remus.

Sirius paced back and forth, or tried to; the scream started after he moved three inches away from Remus. Eventually, he gave up and just stood close to him, almost kissing distance.

“You know, maybe we just should. Kiss, I mean. It doesn't have to… mean anything. Like they said,” Remus said, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

“No way. I don’t want--” Sirius stopped himself from saying ‘I don’t want my first kiss with you to be because of some stupid curse.’

Remus sighed. “I have to pee.”

“Er, ok.” Sirius followed Remus into the bathroom So they wouldn’t have to hear the scream. Instead of stopping at the urinal, the latter headed to the stall, locking himself behind the door. However, the door separated them more than three inches apart, and the mistletoe erupted again. Sirius covered his eyes and groaned.

“Moony, hurry up!”

“I’m doing my best here!” Remus called back, almost yelling to be heard.

It hardly worked. “Did you just call me dear?” He called into the stall.

“What?”

Sirius shook his head. “Nevermind,” he muttered. Like Remus would ever call HIM dear.

“Sirius suddenly felt a familiar feeling. “Fuck. Now I have to pee.” He banged on the door. “Moony! I have to pee. Get out.”

“Hang on!” Sirius heard a zipping and Remus opened the door and immediately stood close to Sirius , and the mistletoe stopped screaming.

Sirius removed his hands from his ears and let out a sigh of relief. “My turn.” He moved over to the urinal and unzipped his pants, preparing himself for the shrieking.

It didn’t come. He turned to see Remus in the urinal next to his, eyes closed, leaning close to him so he wouldn’t see what Sirius was doing and so the mistletoe wouldn’t start up again. Sirius was shocked to see Remus so close him, he almost forgot what he was doing at the urinal in the first place. He eventually relieved himself, but there was a slight problem. Remus was so close to him that he could kiss him on the lips right there. And he was so hot, his lips were just sitting there, displaying themselves, begging for Sirius’s lips to touch them.

And that’s when Sirius began to get hard. At first he didn’t notice; he was too busy staring at Remus’s lips. But then he felt his dick start to harden and rise. He stopped peeing. Sirius got closer and closer to Remus’s face, lips puckering up… maybe Marlene was right… maybe the only was to break the curse was to give Remus a kiss...

And Remus moved away, his eyes still closed. “Are you done?” he asked. My back hurts from being in that position.”

Sirius shook out of his stupor, mentally willed his dick to get under control, and zipped himself up. “Yeah I’m done.”

Together, they walked over to the sinks and washed their hands.

Remus turned on the water and began thinking of what he had just felt. He had had his eyes closed out of respect to privacy, but as he was holding his body in that position, waiting for Sirius to finish peeing, he had felt a warm breath on his face, Sirius’s breath. Remus could tell he had been close enough to kiss him. Remus had almost leaned forward, as if he could tell Sirius as about to kiss him, but he pulled away at the last second because he realized he was being ridiculous. Sirius would never like him like that. Sirius was into girls.

...

“Ouch!” A snowball landed on James’s face, most likely thrown by a random Hufflepuff. James lifted his wand sent it right back to them. “Oi! Moony! Padfoot! Wormtail! Get over here! I got dibs on McGonagall’s window!”

Remus laughed and ran towards James, but as soon as he took a step away from Sirius, the mistletoe let out the scream. The fight stopped immediately and everyone covered their ears. But Remus continued to run to the other side of the courtyard. He refused to let a stupid, loud, awful noise ruin his Christmas Eve. Remus gave the incantation and charmed a snowball to rise above the ground and launch itself up at Flitwick’s window. The professor’s face appeared there a second later. At first he looked mad, but then his face broke into laughter. Remus laughed back and promptly threw a snowball at a fellow Gryffindor. He received no reaction, as they were covering their ears and couldn't pick up a snowball.

Looking around the courtyard, he realized it had mostly emptied, for no one could take the constant wailing. Slumping in disappointment, he dragged himself back to Sirius. The screeching stopped. He glanced at James in desperation.

He biting his lip to try and keep from laughing. “Looks like you’ll just have to kiss each other, then.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “You very well know that’s not happening.” Sirius glanced at him uncomfortably

James shrugged. “That’s the only way to break the mistletoe, I think.”

Remus gritted his teeth. “James. Is. There. Any. Other. Way. To. Get. Rid. Of. This. Bloody. Curse. Besides. Kissing?”

“Nope.” James beamed. “At least not that I know of.”

Sirius groaned. “Come on, mate, let’s go back to the common room. Prongs is clearly no help.” Remus nodded and followed him, careful not to step too far away from him.

…

Later that night, Remus and Sirius were squeezed into a chair together, and James and Peter opposite of them in separate chairs.

“Maybe the mistletoe will go away when Christmas ends,” Sirius offered.

“Maybe,” James smiled, as if he was lying.

“You could just kiss,” Peter offered.

Both Remus’s and Sirius’s stomachs churned and they shook their heads.

“I just realized,” James began, “that if you decide to wait till morning, the only way anyone in the castle will get some sleep will be if you sleep in the same bed. Together.”

“Are you shitting me?” Sirius asked, even though he knew James was completely correct. But the thought of sharing a bed, no matter how appealing it sounded (for it sounded VERY appealing), terrified Sirius and Remus to the bone.

Peter nodded.

“For the love of Merlin, fine. We shall sleep in the same bed, in the belief that this dreaded curse will go away in the morning,” Remus said.

Sirius sighed. “Yeah. And for that reason only.”

“Great,” said Peter.

“Fantastic,” replied James.

Sirius and Remus shuffled off to bed.

“So, which, er, bed should we sleep on?” Remus awkwardly asked Sirius once they were in the dorm room.

“Yours, I guess. It probably smells better. Than mine, I mean. I mean, sometimes I really dont take care of the state of my bed and stuff. You know what I mean.”

Remus nodded uncomfortably, sitting down on his bed. Sirius did as well, and curled up on the right side. Remus did the same on the left. They immediately scooted as far away from each other as possible, but the mistletoe started screaming again, so they were forced to turn over and lie so close so that their noses were almost touching.

“Goodnight, Padfoot.”

“Goodnight, Moony.”

Sirius hoped that Remus didn’t know that he had a boner.

Remus thought the same.

...

The sound of laughing woke Remus and Sirius.

Remus looked up and glanced at the mistletoe hanging above his bed. He looked to see Sirius giving a death glare to it.

“Looks like it's not gonna go away,” James began. “If you just kiss--”

“Oh, fuck it.” Sirius interrupted James and promptly gabbed Remus’s face and smashed their lips together. Remus kissed back hungrily and wrapped his arms around Sirius. Neither could believe what was happening. Sirius was kissing Remus. Remus was kissing Sirius. 

James gasped and grabbed Peter. “I TOLD YOU IT WOULD WORK!” He yelled. He then took out his wand and vanished the mistletoe. Remus and Sirius broke apart and slowly turned toward him.

“You mean to tell me,” Sirius began, “that you had the countercurse THIS WHOLE TIME?”

James doubled over laughing. “Who do you think charmed it in the first place?” He asked between breaths.

Remus and Sirius looked at each other and nodded without speaking. They knew what to do.

They tackled James to the ground. “So the whole school was in on it?” Remus cried, holding James down.

James nodded, tears spilling down his face from laughter. “Hey it worked didn't it?”

“Thank Merlin,” said Peter. “Now all you have to do is let the castle know so everyone can be relieved that you're finally together.”

“WHAT?”

**Author's Note:**

> Give some kudos and comments if you liked it! Also, I hope your guys's 2018 was great and you're ready for 2019 (I'm sure not).


End file.
